A Burden To Bear
by PrimadonnaGurl13
Summary: Summary could change. More information inside. Will Herondale and Tessa Gray after Clockwork Prince. Only, will Jem stay alive long enough to get married? Pro Will. I mean, I love Jem, but IMO Will is better. Also, the genres I selected are rough guideline only. I would pick several genre's if I could.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I originally intended to just have it as a one shot, but it's pretty short, so I might chapter it. I just wanted to write something about Will. I love Will Herondale so much and his character is so intense, and vulnerable and caring yet still so heartbreakingly sad. I hope you like this. Please review. It gives me an idea if I'm doing it right or not. I know I have lots of other fan fictions I should be finishing, but you know me... Procrastinator 5000. haha**

**I tried to make it as in-character as possible. There may be slips... times where he might not be like that or something, and for that I apologise. **

**Disclaimer: Cassie Clare is the genius behind such a beautiful character. I am just having fun. :)**

Will sat reading a book he thought he would be over by now. A Tale of Two Cities. Such a complex yet familiar story. He so related to Sydney.

He had died - albeit inside - for the one he loved.

What had happened to him? How had he got to where he was now? Will signed regrettably. The old grandfather clock beside the mantelpiece told him it was coming close to midnight. Still, he read. The only thing he had left were books.

All because he'd went and let his curse - which turned out to be a complete lie - get the better of him. He'd let his love for Tessa Gray take him over. She'd told him she was engaged to Jem, his very own parabatai, and he'd almost lost it. Wait...he had lost it.

The London Institute was eerily quiet with only the tick tock of the clock and his heartbeat to keep him company. A tall lamp with a beige shade sat beside him on a coffee table, shining light down on him.

Will looked down at a quote that he knew off by heart. When the seamstress questions that Sydney isn't afraid of death, and that he welcomes it.

_"Perhaps I do. Perhaps in death, I receive something I never had in life - I hold a sanctuary in the hearts of those I care for."_

The doors to the reading room opened. Will heard the soft creak, the hiss as air passed through the gap and the breath of his visitor. The light from the lamp didn't quite reach far enough to let him see until the figure stepped closer. Will's breath caught; he swallowed a thick lump in his throat, eyes threatening to tear, but he didn't let on how his soul shattered into a million tiny pieces every time he saw her.

He wished so much to not be in this world if she was going to marry his best friend. Yes he loved them both, but the pain was too much.

He tried for a smile; to shape his lips into an expression of nonchalance. Of a calm, uncaring manner in which Tessa so frequently came to accept as his usual demeanor. He rarely let anyone see his true feelings, and even in the cold light of day, when they once held each other, before Jem became more than a friend to her, he didn't let her see all of him.

He slowly tucked his bookmark in his book, saving the page, even though he knew most of the book off by heart. He uncrossed his legs and turned so he faced Tessa, who was dressed in a very thin nightgown, low at the cleavage yet precisely so as not to show too much. It reached near to her mid calf.

"What can I do for you, Tessa?" he asked her, his voice low and careful. He didn't think he could handle being in the same breathing space as her, but it seemed his heart was taking a break from the usual grief it caused him. Which was a blessing.

She smiled, pleasantly. Managing to make every part of her glow with beauty. He wanted to caress the soft skin on her neck, stroke his thumb along her cheek and kiss her plump delicate lips. He mentally shook himself, deriding his thoughts the way they so often went whenever she was near.

"I wanted to know if you were alright? I saw you weren't in your room and..." Her eyes caught the book he had still gripped in one hand. "Are you still reading that?"

He grinned, hiding the sorrow within him very well. "You know very well this isn't the first time I've read this."

"Yes, I do know. I just assumed you would have tired of it by now."

"I never tire of what I love most." he said solemnly, not taking his eyes off of her. His mouth became dry, rough like sandpaper. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" It was an innocent enough question yet somehow it sounded inappropriate coming from him. Or maybe that was just his paranoia.

"I- I couldn't sleep," she stuttered awkwardly. Her hands intertwined in front of her; while her feet shuffled.

"So you thought you'd come and what, stalk me? I'm quite capable of reading on my own, you know? I'm not going to get a paper cut or-" He pretended to cut himself on the corner of his book; mocking someone in grave pain. "Oh no, what have I done?" His voice rose slightly.

Tessa shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "You don't need to be so sarcastic." She turned to leave but Will found himself standing up in a hurry, eager to have her stay, despite the pain his heart was causing.

"No, don't," he said. "Come read with me."

She looked wary, unsure if it was wise, most likely. It was not proper to be so intimate with the one you were not partnered with. "I don't know," she whispered. "I should probably get back to bed. Jem will wonder where I've gotten to."

Will tried to hide the shock. "You're sleeping in James's bed?"

"No, no. In the chair next to him. He's... he's not feeling so well tonight, I'm afraid."

Will crossed the room in two long strides, hand on the door handle. "I'm going to see him."

Tessa caught his arm, stopping him just as the door creaked open.

"No, you can't. I mean, he's asleep. I was just making sure he didn't need anything, that is all."

"But you thought it proper to keep this from me? I'm his parabatai Tessa. Do you know what that means? It means we're bonded beyond anything imaginable. It means we must be there for each other."

"I know that," she said softly, her fingers still grazing the material of his shirt. "I didn't think."

His eyes burned into her like a raw fire. "I need to see him. Even just to reassure myself that he is indeed alright." He left the room, ashamed of his behaviour but worried all the same about Jem.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the lovely reviews so far. I'll try to live up to my last WillxTessa fic, since I know a lot of you liked that. Enjoy.**

Chapter 2

_He couldn't help but stand and stare. Her beauty, her ability to break every part of his carefully built up structure shook him to the core. He saw her grey grey eyes and her rosy cheeks and the loose strands of ebony hair that floated down from her updo. It was captivating yet seemingly tragic that in one small second he remembered that she cannot be his. He cannot be hers. And no matter the pain he could not betray his parabatai nor could he let himself go on like this. He had to do something. _

_That something could cost him everything he'd ever loved. He stepped closer, the heels of his boots clapping too loudly across the marble floor. Out of the corner of his eye, Magnus stood to one side holding a bouquet of roses. The room was wide; a large crystal chandelier hovered over their heads as precariously as a feather in the wind. Chairs - the design on the backs like a spiders web - were stacked haphazardly against the magnificent windows to the left, which looked out towards the sea. _

_They were somewhere on the South Coast. Somehow they had travelled far. The memory was lost on him. All that he knew was standing across the room, dressed in a beautiful floral sundress, a ribbon to hold her hair in place behind her. Her skin was a glowing map of which he longed to explore._

_Closer he walked in her direction until there was a mere foot between them. He could smell her lavender perfume. Sense her nervousness. Was she waiting for him? There seemed to be a blur, a hazy quality to the air around her frame._

_He leant forward, watching her face contort from confused to scared to wanting. He could see it in the throbbing pulse in her neck. He cupped her cheek and lost himself in the softness of her skin. She tilted her head so she leaned into his touch. Her eyes met his, deep and meaningful, capturing his whole essence, and in a split second of recklessness he bent and kissed her lips. Hard and fast, soft and careful. It was like drowning in bliss. Cut off from air, from the very existence of earth, just consumed by Tessa. _

_"I have wanted this for what feels like a lifetime," he whispered in Tessa's ear. "You are all I ever wanted."_

_He backed away reluctantly, one hand still holding her face. Then her figure started to change, to transform. She became almost transparant, flickering like an old movie reel. Will stepped back more and put a hand over his mouth in shock. Horror. _

_He had to blink twice, three times. Fast. Was his eye sight going? There was no possible way...?_

_"What are you doing, William?" spoke the new face, the new person that replaced Tessa. Jem. "I thought you were my best friend. How could you be so selfish?"_

_"I, I don't mean to be, I don't. Please believe me, James, I would never purposely hurt you. You are my brother, part of my soul, my parabatai."_

_Jem smiled sadly. "Yet you continue to defile our friendship in my absence."_

_Will stood mortified. Some part of him, his subconscious, knew this was all a dream. Yet it all seemed so real. He turned to face Magnus, but he was no longer there. They were no longer in the grand hall. They were standing in the dining room in the Institute._

_"If you'd only told me before you proposed, just how you felt, we would not be in this vile mess." said Will, being horribly honest for the first time in such a long time._

_Jem coughed blood. It splattered wildly on the handkerchief he held in one hand against his mouth. Will felt a piece of him die as he watched his best friend suffer. _

_"If I had told you, would you have changed your feelings towards her?"_

Will awoke suddenly; sweat pooled around his body like the markings of a dead man on a paving slab. He felt sick.

A knock on his bedroom door jolted him out of his thoughts. "Who is it?" he called, pushing his covers away and touching the balls of his feet to the wooden floor boards.

Whoever it was did not answer. The door creaked awkwardly as it opened slowly. Will felt a warm rush of relief when he saw it was just Charlotte.

"Are you well?" she asked him. Will blinked, he hoped he wasn't blushing. When he shook his head slightly, Charlotte came over and sat beside him on the bed, ignoring the messy sheets. "What's the problem? I heard you were up late last night." She didn't question why, and Will was grateful.

"Did Tessa tell you?" He guessed she must have told Charlotte. They were women, they gossiped. Charlotte nodded slowly. Will looked at his hands, pretending to examine his rough, calloused nails when really he was trying to hide his embarrassment. His own inner emotions were fighting to be let out, but as he'd spent years doing, he pushed them back. Now wasn't the time. He didn't think there would ever be a time.

Charlotte must have seen the look of shame on his face because she rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Only because she commented she was tired and I asked her why. There is no need to be worried. I'm not judging."

He didn't know why he was feeling so defeated, so afraid. His dream - nightmare, as it were - had shaken him and he couldn't rid the image of Tessa turning into Jem. Of the look of disappointment on his face.

Will shook off the weight that threatened to pull him down into the dirt, and stood up. He arranged his bed, although judging from the look Charlotte shot him, he obviously wasn't doing it very well. She laughed. "You don't need to tidy for my benefit."

"Maybe not. But I can hardly have Sophie come in and give me grief over my disorderliness." He tried for a smile but it felt like a stranger on his lips."So is there a reason you came to see me?" he asked, walking over to the window.

He heard a soft inhale of breath, the slight pucker of lips before she said, "I came to ask you if..." She hesitated. "You see, Henry and I are planning a...trip of a sorts, and we wondered if you and Jem would guard the institute while we're away."  
Will turned, his eyes widening with surprise and honour. Then worry. "Where are you going?"  
"Just to the country," she said, avoiding his gaze. "We have some business to attend to and we both agreed it best to leave you kids out of it."  
Will's lips curved into an ironic smile. "You're not much older than me, Charlotte."  
"I know that," She grimaced. "But the less you all know, the better. It wouldn't be fair to have you dragged into this mess, especially with Jem being ill and... Tessa. They have arrangements to make and the less stress on them..." She stopped talking with obvious words left unspoken.  
He sighed, nodding. "So if I'm to stay here while you gallivant only the Angel knows where, how am I - I mean, _we_ - supposed to stop an attack, if there is one? You surely can't expect us, as you say, _kids_, to handle it?" He was pacing now, concern shaping his eyebrows and in the way he wrung his hands together.  
"We won't be gone that long..."  
"That might be too long," he argued. He started to gesture around, rushing his words. "You know Mortmain is on the loose. He could be anywhere. For all we know he could be hiding in the bushes right outside-"  
Charlotte stood up sharply. "Don't be so ridiculous, Will!" she snapped, retaining her authority as head of the Institute. "You should just try to stay out of trouble. Don't upset Sophie and you should be fine. Angel only knows how you would cope without her."  
Will slouched his shoulders, irritated. "I would cope well enough." Charlotte started for the door. "Have you told this to Jem?" he asked.  
She stopped and looked over her shoulder at him. "Would you rather I not say anything?" she said with a smirk. Her eyes were telling. When Will didn't respond, she laughed. "I know you too well, William. Too well." She left, shaking her head with some kind of amusement.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so thank you for all the lovely reviews so far. I'm glad you like this story. I know it's very similar to my last one, but hopefully there will be more romance. And more sadness. haha yes I am evil, why thank you very much. :)**

**Just a side note: The italics in this chapter represent part of a snippet in which Cassie Clare herself released as a reward for Jem winning one of the YA Crush Tourney contest. I felt it kind of fitted well with what I was writing (even though the original context implies they'd been in a fight or something), however, I did take out what Jem says because... well that didn't fit. **

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 3**

Tessa felt a cold chill run down her spine as the curtains billowed by the open window. She reached to close it, the sharp satisfying click in place.

She hadn't seen nor spoken to Will since that quiet evening several nights ago, when she'd wandered the Institute in desperate need of comfort. She had been watching Jem for quite some time and as soon as he'd fallen asleep, she had tried to sleep herself. However, the fitful nightmares that plagued her nights made it almost impossible to rest. So with her robe covering most of her nightgown, she stood quietly, careful not to creak and wake up Jem whose ragged breathing and stirrings were getting worse.

Once at the door she cast a worried glance back at the sleeping body; his silver hair even brighter in the dim light, face worn and body aching. Oh how she wished he would get better. But she knew this was only a downhill slope that didn't appear to be fading.

She left the room and closed the door behind her, her body almost collapsing with relief against it. She had found Will in the drawing room, reading A Tale of Two Cities once again. He seemed almost obsessed with it. Yes, Tessa enjoyed the story, but maybe not quite as intensely as he does.

Now, sitting in her bedroom, she wondered back on their conversation. He had seemed defensive. He had accused her of keeping a secret from him, implying she didn't think he needed to know of Jem's deterioration. Tessa was horrified. She had had no such intentions. But this was Will Herondale, he seemed to have a habit of jumping to the wrong conclusions. In fact, she had gone to find him not only for company, but to confide him. To tell him...

She didn't know what she wanted to tell him. Truth be told she realised it was extremely foolish seeking out comfort from Will, especially with their slight history.

Tessa sighed. Her eyes were tired from staying open so long. It had been far too long since she'd had a good nights sleep. Staying up, watching over Jem seemed to be her job lately.  
Will helped, which she was very grateful for.  
She turned at the sound of her door opening and blinked twice, nodding an acknowledgement as Sophie entered holding a tray with a plate of food and a pitcher of watcher. She smiled encouragingly.

"My lady, you need to eat," said Sophie, placing the tray on the bedside table. Her eyes travelled over Tessa wearily. "You're practically wasting away."  
Tessa rolled her eyes dramatically, even though it was true. Her eating habits had taken a battering lately. "I'll be fine," she assured her friend and maid. She eyed the plate of bacon and eggs and swallowed back sourness. She was desperately hungry, but her mind whirled with worrisome troubles, she couldn't bring herself to do anything.

Sophie all but shoved the plate in front of Tessa's face. "Please." she begged softly, eyebrows furrowed with worry.  
Tessa couldn't cope with the guilt any longer. She weakly cut up the meat and took a delicate chew and swallow. Nodding her delight, no matter how false, she continued to eat until the plate was clear. Her stomach protested exceedingly.  
Sophie cleared her throat. "Oh, my. I completely forgot. Master Will requested to see you. He said for you to meet him by Jem's room."  
Tessa's eyes narrowed. "When?"  
"In five minutes, miss."

She lifted off her bed covers. Having been already dressed in casual day clothes, she headed straight for the door. Heading along the corridor, she didn't see anyone outside Jem's door, so she hesitantly twisted the door knob and stepped inside; her heart in her throat. There was something wrong. She could feel it.

_Will's eyes met Tessa's as she came closer, almost tripping again over the torn hem of her gown. For a moment, they were in perfect understanding. Jem was what they could still look each other straight in the eye about. On the topic of Jem, they were both fierce and unyielding. Tessa saw Will's hand tighten on Jem's sleeve. "She's here," he said.__Jem's eyes opened slowly. Tessa fought to keep the look of shock from her face. His pupils were blown out, his irises a thin ring of silver around the black._

This was bad. This was very bad, and Tessa couldn't ignore the foreboding feeling that Jem wasn't... No! She would not think this way. If she started going down that road, then who knows what might happen in the short space of time they had left.

"What's happening?" she said to the air. Jem's pallor was unnerving. She gently took his spare hand in hers and rubbed her thumb along the front of his hand. Her voice was hushed but she couldn't erase the shakiness. She looked to Will for some sort of sign that everything would be alright.  
"His...illness is … He's deteriorating," he managed to say, a catch in his voice and eyes downcast. He wouldn't meet her eyes nor Jem's.  
The ever growing panic was pressing down on her. She dared ask the question that loomed heavily down over them all. "How long?"  
Will blinked, his eyes almost not wanting to open up and see what was right in front of him; to have to face the consequences of his next words.  
"I cannot say." he said, breathlessly.

Jem's arm reached out and he gripped hold of the buttons on Will's shirt, pulling him closer.  
"Tell...me." he husked, eyes puffy and lips dry. Will shook his head, holding back unwanted tears.  
"I can't do that, James. I cannot put your future in a number. It's not right, besides, I am not a doctor. In my eyes you will last an eternity," he said, and half smiled to ease the trauma.  
The door opened behind them and Charlotte and Henry appeared; Henry looking rather dishevelled. Charlotte rushed to Wills side and gripped his shoulder compassionately.

"We came as soon as we could," she said, shooting Henry a harried look. Will looked between them with a mixture of irritation and relief that they were both there with him at this most troubled time. Charlottes gaze fell on Jem who lay still in his bed, eyes drifting closed despite the sudden company. "How is he?"  
Tessa sniffled back tears. "I fear for him," she said softly, her voice hitching up an octave with emotion. Will cast her a look of longing and heartache before turning back to Charlotte.

"He's getting much worse," he said. "We were hoping a doctor might be able to visit today, but no one seems to be on hand." He felt a strike of anger burn through him. Why wasn't anyone here to help him?  
Henry cleared his throat before running a weary hand through his carrot top hair.  
"Are you sure there is nothing else we can do? What about Magnus Bane? I hear he's good with illnesses." It was a weak suggestion. The truth was, Magnus Bane was out of the country at that moment and Will had tried with every connection he could find to communicate this most difficult situation. However, he'd had no luck, and had to acknowledge that he'd have to find some other route to keep Jem...alive, if that's what it came to.  
Beside him, Jem coughed; a sound that made Wills heart jump every time, almost to the point of shattering. Tessa held his hand tight; he could see her knuckles reddening with the pressure. He almost wanted to tell her to lighten up, but he knew all too well the pain she was having at the sight of their parabatai and...fiancé .

"Maybe we should let him alone to rest and come back later," suggested Charlotte. Will wasn't too sure. If they left him, things could turn even worse and...  
"Go," hushed a voice and Will looked over to see Jem looking at him fiercely. Strong. He tugged gently on Wills hand. "I'll be fine," he assured them. He sent them a smile, but it was forced.  
Tessa sobbed. "I'm not leaving you again. I should never have gone to my room last night. I should have stayed here with you," She rubbed her eyes of tears with the cuff of her dress. Her hair had come undone and was curling, shadowing her her face. Will wished to move the hair away so he could see her face completely.

Jem sighed, exhaustion overwhelming him. Will held on to his hand, and tried to send strength through their bond. With fierce determination he said, "I'm going to try to contact Magnus Bane again. There must be some way to get a hold of him."  
He stood up, reluctantly letting go of Jem's hand and faced Charlotte and Henry; he couldn't bear to look at Tessa again for fear he'd start to cry. And Herondale's did not cry.

"I'll be back shortly," he told them. "Please, stay here and make sure he gets anything he wishes." There was a lump in his throat, making it hard to breathe. He took one look back, hoping it would not be his last, and exited the room, a new hope in sight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Very sorry for the long long long delay between chapters. This may have moments where the characters go a little...modern in speaking. I guess it's because it's late here and I'm tired so I'm losing focus, but I was eager to deliver something to you. :) Please enjoy and review. Sorry that it's so short, also. **

**4**

Will arrived at the home of Magnus Bane. He wrapped his coat tight around his waist, shielding himself from the cold. He had his fists raised ready to bang on his door when it opened on its own. At first he assumed it was a mistake. The wind was strong, or a ghost was inhabiting the home, but no, this was no illusion. Magnus indeed stood on the threshold, wearing a beaten down robe and worn out bunny slippers. His hair was deflated and there were dark shadows beneath his eyes. His skin sallow for someone supposedly immortal.

"Ma-" Magnus stopped him mid-word, grabbing his arm and ushering him inside urgently. The door closed with a loud clank, and they rushed down the hall to the lounge where Magnus usually stayed. "What ever is the matter?" asked Will once they were in the quiet chambers of the four walls and a fireplace currently sparking away the wintery chill.

Magnus sat slumped in his chair, legs crossed and hands rubbing his face as though he could rub away the emotion. He didn't feel emotion like Will, or even a human, he was...

"I have made some terrible mistake in my lifetime, Mr Herondale, but recently have no taken much thought on them until recently," His tone was bleak, lacking life of the usually upbeat warlock. Will found he couldn't stand; he found the nearest arm chair and sat slowly, preparing himself for the worst.

"What has happened?" Will asked, forgetting his own problems for just a mild minute.

Magnus groaned, coming across strained and Will was very worried.

"I am, it seems, being hunted. I cannot leave my house, I cannot do anything. I'm a caged animal!" His last words were louder, meant for emphasis. His anger showed rarely, but when it did, it was intense and frightening. Will felt the hairs on his arms spike in response to the tension in the room. Magnus stood up fast, intent on keeping active. He paced the floor, the carpet already showing signs of wear and tear from previous activities.

"But...By whom? Can't you outrun them? You've managed this long," Will's knowledge of his friend's life was limited, but he knew Magnus was forever in the lead when it came to challenges.

"Don't you think I've tried?" argued Magnus, stopping to stare Will down. His eyes were a dark green, eerie and full of a past he could not imagine. "I have thought of every possibility, but it seems she-" He glanced at WIll once then shook his head. "No, I cannot burden this upon you, Will. It is not fair. Besides, you clearly came visiting with a purpose. So please, say what you must."

"I...I need your help," WIll replied weakly. "It's about James."

The look the warlock gave him was one of strange incredulousness. A shadow passed across his face, as though he was ready to throw the boy out, before returning to a calm impassive expression.

"You came for my help? How nice. And what exactly do you need my help with, pray tell?"

Will swallowed, the large lump of guilt making it hard to breathe. "James...he is...very sick and-"

Magnus's lips curled. "So you thought your warlock slave would do the honour of curing him and that would be the end of it? I'm sorry to tell you Mr Herondale that miracles do not happen in our way of living. We live with it or we die, there is no bridge."

Will knew this was just the stress talking, that he could not possibly mean this; he was not being purposely cruel. But still, the knowing that his plea for help was going to go unheard, he decided maybe he should leave. Find Ole Mol, the ghost he often saw; maybe she could help.

"Will, please, don't leave," called Magnus when Will crossed the room to open the door. He heard a sigh and turned to see the warlock kneeling on the floor, appearing lost. "I'm so very sorry James is sick again. I had hoped, for your sake, he would last longer. But as you know from the last time you came to me, I cannot cure him. I apologise for my harsh turn of phrasing earlier, but you can't expect me to fix everything. I care very much for you, but my caring only spreads so far and thin, and this I'm afraid is an area I cannot enter."

"I thought this might be the case," Will said quietly, stuffing his curled fists into his pockets, trying to hide his anger. It wasn't necessarily aimed at Magnus, but at the universe. Why did he have to lose all that he cherished most? It wasn't fair.

"Have you run out of Yin Fen?" Will nodded. "Then I am truly sorry."

"The company has run out, and no one will tell me how to get more. It's like...it disappeared off the centre of the earth. Vanished. How is that even possible?"

"Things vanish, Will. That must I am an expert in knowing. You will lose much in your lifetime, but what you keep will bloom into something wonderful. Don't ever forget that."

"That's deep," Will commented dryly. "Is that from a book I don't know about?"

"No," Magnus said with a smirk. "It comes from experience. So as you can see, I am unable to attend to anyone's needs at the moment. I may have to flee the country."

Will frowned. "Honestly, I thought you had already done that."

"I had been considering the option, but then I had an attack last night. Left me physically drained."

Will sat on the edge of the chair he'd been in earlier. "You said it was a she who was after you. Is it Camille? Has she threatened you?"

Magnus shook his head. "It is her ring leader. Camille may be ancient, and very lovely, but she's not the only one with high rank, Master Will and you'd be wise to remember that. There are worse things out there. Creatures you never want to cross." He visibly shivered. "I've lived so long not fearing my past, and now my past has come to teach me a lesson."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello. Thanks for continuing to read this, even if you don't review, I still love seeing the hits get higher. :) I am trying to catch up on my fanfictions. I hope you like this chapter. Again, I may have slipped into more modern style a couple of times, but I do try to keep to the correct era. :) **

5

"Will?" Tessa murmured from her seat placed at Jem's bedside. She'd lifted her gaze from her book, the lines had already begun to blur into nothing, thoughts swirling in her mind never settling down so she could focus. She's caught the slight tinge of black hair through the door gap. William Herondale stepped through almost timidly, looking bashful for a change. Tessa glanced down at her attire and blushed. She'd forgotten she was wearing her nightgown under a thin robe. Having rushed to Jem in the middle of the night, she'd lost track of time. Will had been gone for quite some time and she noticed the fleck of sweat on his brow. "Are you alright?"

He stepped closer and shut the door quietly behind him, the barely audible click in response. He flicked his eyes to where Jem lay peacefully, however pale he appeared. "How is he?" There was a note of obvious sadness in his words; he was on the verge of losing all hope.

Tessa sighed, setting her book on the bedside table, where Jem's medicine pot lay, barely a scraping of Yin Fen visible. "As well as can be expected," she said. "Honestly, Will, you look exhausted. When did you last get sleep?"

He shrugged casually, his hair flicking out of his eyes with a shake of his head. "It doesn't matter," he said. Tessa saw the dark shadows border his blue eyes, his mouth in a constant frown these days. She was scared for him. She knew seeing Jem in such a dismal state was damaging his soul, but she couldn't bear to watch it break right in front of her.

"Yes, yes it does," Tessa said adamantly. She stood, brushing off her lap before facing Will. "Where did you go?"

He swiped a hand over his face in frustration, the lines in his face far more noticeable now she was up close. Their eyes met and she almost lost herself. "I went to see Magnus; much good it did me, too. He's unable to help, and by the sounds of it, he has far more problems of his own." Tessa could practically taste the bitterness. His lips curved into a half smile, chasing away the darkness for just a moment.

Tessa frowned, slightly confused. "I thought Magnus left the country,"

"That is what he had us believe, from previous messages. But I went over," He sighed. "to take my anger out on something, even it was the door knocker. Lo-and-behold, guess who answered before I even got the chance?"

Tessa grimaced. "What did he have to say?"

Will moved around to Jem's side, checked his parabatai's pulse, lifted his eyelids to check he wasn't dilated and let go of a relieved breath. He seemed to do these rounds more from habit than because he knew what to look for. He was not a healer like a Silent Brother.

When he'd finished this, he flopped into the chair she'd just vacated and closed his eyes a second. "He told me he is truly sorry but that he cannot help us. I expected that response, but it still," His jaw clenched, the effort of holding back some emotion. In the dim lighting of the bedroom, Tessa knew he was struggling to keep himself together.

She crossed the room and knelt by him, reaching out a hand to hold his. "Will," she whispered. He looked down at her. Her heart ached to see him so distraught. As much as she was praying for Jem to live, she had a way of finding hope in even the darkest of places. Tessa had the feeling Will was quickly running out of such a thing.

"I just can't bear to see this happen again, Tess," Her name sounded like a cooling breeze in summer, coming from Will, she had no control over her feelings.

"I know, I know," she said, their fingers entwined. "He will live, though. You know this, you just need to believe."

He let out a laugh, a sound so hollow and mirthless it made Tessa shiver. "Believe? In what? There's no more medicine out there, and he's barely hanging on as it is, Tessa. Don't you see? This is...it." Tears built in his eyes; Tessa wanted to fall into his arms, to take away the pain. Sniffling away the hurt, Will stood up to leave. "I best get some sleep," he admitted.

"Yes," Tessa said. "I shall see you in the morning, then." She watched Will leave, looking more resigned than ever.

Will found his way to his bedroom with as much effort as he could muster. His eyelids were drooping, his breathing slowing. The moment his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep with no need to struggle. The nightmares that encompassed his dreamstate, however, arrived too soon. He didn't want to see his best friend, the one person who had ever understood him, had ever loved him so effortlessly, no matter what he did or how he behaved, die. It was a never ending loop of despair, taunting at Will's belief that things would work out in the end. A devil on his shoulder, so to speak. Never relenting, always eating away at his conscience.

He woke drenched in sweat. Charlotte had clearly been in his room at some time during his outing yesterday because a plate of sandwiches and a now room temperature pitcher of water sat idle on his table; letters and books pushed to one side. He rubbed his eyes of sleep, yawning once, before willing himself to sort through his mess and eat something. His stomach was calling, protesting his ignorance of any sustenance.

A knock, so quiet he nearly missed it, sounded at the door. Two soft raps, he knew instantly who it would be before he opened the door. Tessa stood on the threshold, her hair in a soft pile on her head, curls lingering down her face, shaping her features so beautifully, he had to steady his breath so as not to appear nervous. "Tessa," he said as sternly as he could. It was difficult not to let down his guard around her, but he remembered his confession in the night, and a part of him felt ashamed for showing such a side of his feelings.

"I hoped you would still be sleeping," she admitted sheepishly. WIll raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "I mean to say," Will loved when Tessa blushed. He couldn't help but grin at her effort to speak. "Jem is awake. He said not to bother you, though. He...said he knew you would be getting rest."

Without another wasted second, Will closed the door behind him and rushed along the corridors until he reached his best friend's own bedroom. The air inside was stuffy, the windows closed and the curtains hiding any sunlight that may be showing. Jem sat up in his bed, cheeks flushed and eyes wide with surprise. Clearly he had not expected Will to hurry. "I thought I said-"

"I know, Jem," Tessa said quickly, walking into the room behind Will. "But as you predicted, he wouldn't listen." She smiled, happiness lighting up her face; he ignored the ounce of jealousy that nickered at his mind. He loved both Jem and Tessa and he would not let his own irrational emotions get in the way.

"How are you feeling?" WIll asked, sitting beside his parabatai. He held his hand, feeling the strength in the grip. Jem did seem a lot sturdier than the day before, and Will wondered what caused the turnabout.

"I feel...as well as can be expected," said Jem, with a knowing look in his eye. Will stared into the greyness and his mouth opened in an O.

"You heard me, didn't you? Last night."

Jem smiled, the effort showing in the lines either side of his mouth. "I did. You need to have more faith in me, Will. It is unbecoming of you to show such a soft side." There was teasing in his words, but they still hit a spot in Will's pride. Embarrassed, he let go of Jem's hand and stood.

"Well, I'm glad."

"What is wrong? I'm sorry if I've upset you," Jem said. He always apologised for something he had no reason to be sorry for. It was Will's issue.

"No, it is not you, James." Will said. "I just, I've been so worried about you. I've barely slept."

"You are silly sometimes," Jem chuckled. "I am not as weak as you portray me."

Will blushed. "I know, but..."

"Will, please, sit. I haven't had a chance to ask you," His gaze went to Tessa. "Would you mind giving us a moment, sweetheart?"

"Of course," Tessa leant across the bed to kiss his cheek. Will looked away until she'd left the room.

Jem shifted in his position, pain crossing his face so suddenly it caused Will to hurry to help but his parabatai waved him away. "No, Will. I am fine. I do want to ask you something, though, if you are willing to listen."

Will swallowed. "I am, as always, at your service."

"Shh," Jem said with a shallow laugh. "I know this is going to sound rather forthright, and perhaps even premature, but I am aware how much you care for Tessa, as much as myself. I am not so blind to notice." Will put a hand up to protest but his best friend continued with the voice of a man who knew his purpose and his pride. "I won't pretend that it does not concern me, but you have been my best friend for many years now, and I have trusted you, as you have I, in everything we have done, said, become," He cleared his throat and closed his eyes a second. Upon reopening them, his eyes burned into Will's own. "I wish you to cherish sweet Tessa like your own when I am gone."

"But-"

"Please William. I have not asked you for much in this life, have I? Have I ever complained about your behaviour, about your choices? I merely ask for one favour and that is to make Tessa happy, to treat her how she deserves. I know you can do this; I have seen it in your eyes, heard it in your soul. Promise me this?"

Will coughed, his eyes becoming glassy with emotion. "I...yes I promise. But James, you are not going to leave us so soon. Please do not give up just yet,"

"I haven't given up. I am simply making the arrangements for the inevitable."

A/N: **What did you think? Too cheesy? Sorry about that. It's really hard not to be cheesy because of the way they speak and whatnot. But I thought, for what it's worth, that I did it well. Please review if you have time. :)**


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